dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
