Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
