I hope mine doesn't look like that
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
