You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
