Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
