It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
