Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
