Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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