Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
