I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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