I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
