i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
