I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
