the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
