My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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