He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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