When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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