you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
