we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
