If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Randomize
