Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
