your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
