I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
