So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
