Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
