No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
