I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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