new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
