Too much gin, very little bucket
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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