It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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