I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
