Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
