Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
