My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I will be naked everywhere
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
