I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
