Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
