the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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