mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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