im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
