My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
