fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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