dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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