I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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