apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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