that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
