in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he was CRYING into my vagina
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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