Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
