I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need a beard to bite.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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