my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
