My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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