doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
