I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
