tell your sister to shave her snatch
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
